Heart to Heart.

I know when I created this blog I said I was going to be real and raw about the journey of going through divorce (maybe in more eloquent wording), and well, frankly I haven't been writing a whole lot on the subject. Honestly, a lot of it stems from insecurity. I have had plenty of ideas about what I could write to potentially encourage and resonate with another suffering person, but then I wonder, "What if I give a bad piece of advice?" or "What if I really don't know at all what I'm talking about?" Well, though those things could always be possible, it probably should not prevent me from sharing. 

So, here goes...

Although the journey is different for everyone, we all face similar feelings and fears. We probably all lose more than just our spouse; we lose friends, community, and our familiar way of life. That in itself is hard for anyone to venture through. And although there are wonderful books and counselors out there to help us navigate the ways to best travel the valleys of grief and loss, the journey is always ultimately within ourselves. 

Divorce is complicated, and no matter how clean the cut may seem, I believe it is always messy. For example, one question that I frequently ask myself is, "What do I do with my memories?" Let's say I'm only referring to good ones right now. Do I allow myself to treasure certain ones? What if some day I meet someone else and something reminds me of my first husband and I begin to feel guilty? Do I shut them (the memories) out? 

One thing I have learned is that shutting out is usually not the greatest plan. For one, just because I try to tell myself to forget about something, it does not mean I will forget about it. In fact, I think it will linger even longer that way. Not dealing with things is still dealing with them, just very poorly. Even if I think I have a memory "whipped" in my conscience thought life, I will probably see it in my dreams. My mind is determined to deal with things even if I'm not.

Don't you just love dreams?! For me, everything comes back so intensely, like I'm experiencing it all over again. Sometimes, I can even remember certain smells. Weird. 

In most of my dreams pertaining to my ex-husband (I hate saying those words by the way), the biggest feeling I have is rejection. It's really good for a woman's heart let me tell you!!

But I'm getting stronger. A lot stronger. And another thing I realize is pity parties are like shooting yourself in an already sore foot- they don't do much for you. :)

I think that's enough for tonight, so let me send you with some encouragement. Whatever you are facing, it can get better if you allow it to. Give it time. I always secretly hated when people said that to me because divorce, like any loss, feels so permanent, so life-changing, but it's true. God can work in literally any situation, you just have to be willing to surrender to His guidance. 

Another thing, go easy on yourself. Not in the throw yourself a major pity-fest sort of way, but don't expect too much of yourself, even if you feel pressure to "move on." Unfortunately and fortunately we were made with big, sensitive hearts. Capable of experiencing sheer joy, and painstaking sorrow. Lastly, don't give up on yourself, and don't forget about others. Your focus on others will be therapeutic during this time, and treasuring your inner self, imperative. 

Goodnight for now!